My Family Can Beat Up Your Family

Well, admittedly, there's a good reason my family could beat your family to a bloody pulp. You see we're cyborg death bots. We were created specifically to maul you. It's our only purpose in life.

Our creator, one Dr. Mash Taters, is your next door neighbor. He doesn't appreciate you letting your camels graze in his yard. He's had his property surveyed, you know. And why on earth do you make them wear sundresses and your granny's old church hats? Sure, they look great. Really classy dames. Except that they chain smoke and lift their dresses up when cars pass by. Tell them to find a little decency.

And your kids! Must they be so loud? I realize that it's hard to be quiet when you're juggling chainsaws, but, let's face it, if your children do have a career in the carnival ahead of them, it's going to be in the freak show. Faces don't have to look like that, you know. There's all sorts of surgeries or vacuum cleaners that could be used on them. Give it a try. You don't have much to lose.

So if you see a laser beam shoot through your kitchen window that neuters your dog, consider it a warning shot. And why isn't your dog neutered anyway? Weren't you listening to Bob Barker all those years?