All The Kids Are Doing It: Gun Play Speed Dating
Today's teenagers no longer think it's "cool" or "groovy" to shack up in the back of Uncle Pap's dump truck. No, good old fashioned romance is back in vogue. Teenagers want to find their soul mate, their "Moon Cheetah," as they say. But they're also on a lot of speed and have the attention span of a hey that's a pretty lamp over there and wouldn't it be cute to put a sailor's hat on my pet tortoise or maybe Jen was right when she said I killed all those people last Saturday. Gun Play Speed Dating combines romance, Attention Deficit Disorder and the horror of dying a blood-spattered death.
The way it works is this: Two teenagers sit facing each other and ask each other simple questions. An adult referee is there to supervise, and to shoot a gun into the ceiling at random moments. If either of the potential lovers shits themselves when the gun goes off, it was sadly never meant to be. However, if the referee happens to be drunk at the time, it is acceptable for the potential couple to bum rush him, wrestle him to the ground and stuff his gullet full of cupcakes. If this happens, then it means that the youths are destined for true love and happiness.