Do Not Shave Your Baby!

As you can see from the advertisement above, it has become increasingly popular for parents to teach their babies to shave. This is never a good idea. For one thing, your baby is a maniac. I know, it's cute as hell and the most precious thing in the world. But it's also a potential cold-blooded killer. You see the way that baby is smiling? You see the way it's holding that razor? It's pointed at you, chump, and aimed straight at your soft little eyes. Parents should never shave their kid until it's at least six years old. Even then, you should only shave their eyebrows. It'll go a long way toward making a great first impression on their first day of school.