Dead Literary Icon Rises From the Grave Only to Return Three Hours Later

via CT Happypants
You remember Patterly Patterson-Peterson, right?  He was the popular 1980's children's book author whose brief career was cut short at the age of sixteen, when he was killed by a mob of angry parents.  They were offended by the content of Patterson-Peterson's latest releases, including, Mommy is Schizoid, The Problem with Pants, and, Don't Touch that Dingle-berry!

Recently, Patterson-Peterson decided to visit the land of the living, to see what's been going on.  We caught up with him just as he was about to reenter his cold and lonely grave, and here's what he had to say:

"Yeah, so, I think I'll just go on and head back to the abyss.  First thing I did when I left my grave was head over to the local watering hole, to see if my friends were still hanging out there, since, you know, they were all really violent alcoholics.  No one I knew was in there, so I just watched a little TV.  Fuck!  What's up with all these, what called "Reality Shows"?  I saw this one program about a group of Brooklyn housewives who were addicted to eating hot sausages while they were riding roller coasters!  How did they find these people?  And what about that show where they filmed a bunch of gay albino hookers with amputee fetishes?  In my day, TV consisted of a bunch of sweaty men blowing stuff up and shooting people.  They had awesome mustaches to boot!  Well, I don't know what's happened since I died, but I'll take the cold hand of death on my shoulder to having to spend any more time around you freaks.  Seriously, you should be ashamed.  All of you."

Patterly Patterson-Peterson's story will be featured on a new reality show about ghosts who hate reality shows.  Stay tuned!


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