Saturnalian Penis Rites

Is anyone else really sick of bands that call themselves experimental but insist on using guitar, bass and drums while maintaining popular song structures and making use of rhythms, melodies and beats?  While there is no reason you can't make experimental with those, playing chord based hippie music and singing about forks does not make you experimental.  It makes you a lazy cunt.  If you want to be experimental, then learn to play a fork, not write a song about one.  Learn to harmonize with the sounds of your bowel movements and make a recording of that.  Wire a speaker into your mother's pacemaker whilst reading aloud from a road atlas.  That would be experimental.  People seem too worried about what "fans" think.  Not enough people just have fun doing it.

Sorry but you guys may be stuck with me for a few days.  Apparently the normal writer of this blog is being detained while he's being investigated for unlicensed sodomy with an underage equine.  We here at The Mugwump Corporation have no clue how the authorities got that idea about him but we're certainly sorry we caused it.  His situation could easily be rectified but that just wouldn't be as funny.  And if laughter is the best medicine then we could be giving ourselves cancer by allowing him to go free.

I promised to write a piece but I never promised it would be coherent or cohesive.  Or did you not know that Cronus ate his own children for a reason?  Since gender roles didn't apply amongst the gods, yet apparently they had human anatomies, it is obvious he did this so that his milk would be stronger for his surviving children (had he not developed a taste for them and continued eating them)?  I recommend all women who bear more than a single child at a time to do the same.  The surviving baby will thank you for it later.  Cronus, however, was representative of time and time destroys all.  So if you're not a god then beware the legal repercussions.  There is a man in Brazil who has holy milk in his penis that offers salvation to anyone who drinks it.  He has been locked up.  This is just another example of the man trying to keep us down.

The answer to last week's word puzzle is "Off on a tangent."  Since no one bothered guessing I won't post another.

We will be taking donations to get Patrick out of jail (when it stops being funny).  Email me personally if you would like to make a contribution.


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