Professor Docswatch Deports Illegal Teardrops
As we all know, Mugwumpville citizens are allowed up to three teardrops per year, and only on the occasion of a loved one's death, after watching a cute cat video, or when a really tasty taco is dropped on the floor. But people have been ignoring this law for generations. Just last week, ol' Martha Quimly cried a total of six and a half tears after she engulfed her pet llama in flames when it got too close to a fart she was lighting. The llama has since recovered, but it's convinced that it's an aloof priest and is now going around town giving people their last rites without any real enthusiasm.
Extra tears are now being rounded up and sent across the border to Harumphville to aid in their law enforcement efforts. They've just begun a program where they give out wet willies for parking violations. Their previous policy had been to just shoot the bastards.