The Minotaur from Camp Whatanass has Escaped!

Try not to panic! The Minotaur from Camp Whatanass has escaped and he’s ready to annoy the shit out of people. Even you might be at risk!

Some reports have already surfaced. The Minotaur has been spotted in Battery Acid Park, tickling old people until they wet themselves. He invited several of his supposed buddies to a “rad pizza party” over at his aunt’s house, but never showed up. Worst of all, he made his way to the mayor’s residence, where the humble public servant was given so many wet willies that he overdosed and started speaking in tongues.

The Minotaur from Camp Whatanass lives to annoy people. Sure, he’ll tie you to your bed and put a ball gag on you, but only so that you have to watch helplessly as he bounces up and down on the mattress while screaming “EEEAAAABAAAAA!” at you for forty-five hours in a row. But eventually he’ll let you go. He might even give you a cute nickname like “Ducksworth” or “Gandolph.”

If you happen to see the Minotaur somewhere on our fine city streets, approach with caution. Maybe start off with a corny joke. He especially likes this one: “Why couldn’t the elephant use the computer? Because he was afraid of the mouse!” When his defenses have been lowered, run like hell. There’s nothing you can do. All hope is lost.