Depressed? Make Your Cat Sad and Feel Better Instantly!

Maybe you've been feeling a bit down lately. Maybe you own a cat. Success! Did you know that you can easily transfer your depression to your cat by reminding it of the things it is unable to do? Myself, I like to stand naked before my cat, point at her, and say things like, "You'll never be a fireman. You don't have the thumbs for it," or, "Wouldn't you like to go to the bakery and order some muffins or a nice warm loaf of bread? Well, you could if you were able to form proper words. But, as it stands--"

Uh, what? (source)

Some people will say that it's impossible to transfer your depression to your cat, because they don't have any interest in doing people things like bouncing on Pogo sticks or training a baby seal to wear combat boots. They'll tell you that cats are only interested in eating, pooping, ignoring their owners, and getting rubs.

Don't believe them. I once found my cat in my bedroom closet, pawing at a Mad magazine as if she was trying to turn the pages. And this was just minutes after I told her that she'd never be able to read a word of English! Coincidence? Or had I just discovered the cure for common sadness?