Why Slave Bears Are A Great Idea

Sure, your slave bear will be violent and unpredictable, but did you know that there's a 7% chance that you'll survive when it decides to suck your brain through your ear as if it was spaghetti? Those odds might not seem great, but think of it this way: if you survive, it means you're probably one of the ubermensch and will go on to great glory on the battlefield. This will come in handy when all of the clowns break out of their asylums. As we all know, clowns are cold-blooded killers who would like nothing more than to lure you into a dark alley and give you a wedgie so hard that it leads to death-by-camel-toe, which is a tough way to finally meet the Great Broccoli in the Sky. Won't you please help prevent the clown apocalypse and purchase your slave bear today?